The last 8 days have probably been some of the hardest, most difficult, best days of my mission. I'm going to try and spend the most time on the things that I feel would be of most worth for everyone to know.
On Saturday night (News Year Eve), Elder Melo and I were doing our nightly planning. As we kneeled down to pray, he asked me what we could improve....I had a list rather long that I wanted to say, but I simply told him that I wanted to have more communication between us to and to be more unified. There is hardly a day or an hour that goes by where we end up doing something that we didn't have planned, and that I hadn't a clue about. I understand that things will come up, but there is quite a gap between the "coming up" and the "finding out" for me. To add to that, I really just have to follow whatever is happening....I don't really every have much of a chance to include my input. In Alabama, the missionaries switched off carrying the cell phone every other day. Here, I've never been "permitted" to have to the cell phone. It's not a rule here, it's just that my companions like to have the phone, and they love talking on it.
When I tried to address our communication problem with Melo the first time (probably about 2 weeks ago), he responded by saying "just follow what we planned". That's about as good as reading the Book of Mormon in Mandarin. When I brought this up again Saturday, he wanted to tell me that I am not communicating with him. His claim was that I was making contacts with people, and then marking follow up appointments without "telling him". We are always together when we make contacts, and therefore together when we mark appointments. He usually just kinda of hangs around while I am making the contact, letting me do all the talking. When the time comes up to make the follow up appointment, he gets mad that he doesn't know about it (I always remind him the night before the appointment too while we are planning). His claim was absolutely ridiculous. He got pretty heated pretty heated pretty quick as I defended myself....I've never known a time when I have shown more patience in my life. He went on about how thinks that I am taking over the companionship marking appointments during the day and how I am scheduling things without telling me....I made my Zone Leaders come in and sit down to be mediators (this didn't exactly make things better)....I never once raised my voice at him or attacked him directly, as he did several times. Again, I really do not think I have ever shown such patience or self-control before.
Melo went on to critique me about several things, including being a rich American that knows nothing about how to love people, having a Dad that "lied to me" about what a mission is really like (he asked earlier that day what I had heard about a mission from my dad....I told him he told me of miracles, struggles with companions, and the joy that comes from work), that I thought I was better than they were because I like to work hard and keep the rules, and that "I don't want to make things better within our companionship". I stopped him there.....it was me with my district leader, and two zone leaders sitting there. At this point I asked the Zone Leaders if they thought that I thought I was better than they were. They responded with things of their own that had nothing to do with my question. Elder Pinheiro said that he didn't like that I asked for the address of a family that we found while on a temporary transfer together. He had told me that he and his companion were going to visit another area for 3 days directly after we had taught this family. I had wanted to just stop by their house to follow up with them....he got kind of territorial with me, and was mad that "I didn't think he was capable of following up with that family". They didn't end up going to the other area (again, more communication problem), and he wanted to make me the bad guy. Instead of defending myself like I wanted to do, I apologized and asked his forgiveness.
Elder Oliveria went on to say that I am too invasive when I am talking to people on the streets, buses, or anywhere else, and that "all I want to do is baptize, that I don't care about these people". He said that I have to be careful when I ask people "Where are you headed?" or "Do you live in ________ neighborhood"?....I've never felt that I was intruding into someone's business while asking these questions....the people recognize that I'm a harmless smiling gringo in dress clothes....I don't think they're exactly threatened by me. Instead of defending myself again, I simply accepted his advice, and told him I would try and improve.
After enjoying the "Elder McKinley Roast", I made my two claims to them. The first, is that I told all of them that I am here primarily and solely to please my Father in Heaven. If my investigators, companions, leaders, and mission president think I'm a bad missionary, it wouldn't matter to me if I knew that the Lord approved of my work. That is the only way I will measure my success as a missionary. I told them that of course I wanted to baptize, but I would rather please my God by working hard and being obedient, regardless of my baptismal situation. The second thing I said, is that I was here to obey the rules and directives of the mission, regardless of what justification may be given for the purpose of the rules. I have been blessed with an understanding of the principle of obedience to the commandments of the Lord, and I do not intend to neglect that knowledge just because I am living with people who do not share that same understanding as me.
It was a rough night for me. I knew I have been being obedient, working hard, and doing my best to please everyone, but no one likes to be chastised like that. I felt a bit unsure about my standing for the next few days....I will tell you why I feel that this was some of the best time of my mission so far.
Sunday night, before we went out to make an appointment, Elder Melo began uncontrollably bawling. I had no idea why, We came to find out that he is feeling that he will be transferred out of here after spending 7 months here. This is the only area he has ever known. I gave him a hug, to which he willingly accepted, and told me that he knew I was sent here to take care of this area, and that these very special people would be in good hands with me. I was blown away....he must have had some kind of miracle change of heart. (These past 2 days since have been some of our most unified, closest days together.) couldn't really grasp all of it at once...he had gone from what I thought was hating me to loving me in 24 hours....very special experience to me. It confirmed to me to always do what is right, regardless of what other people think of you...sometimes they will come around, sometimes, they wont.
But that's just ONE story I have this week. This past week, while walking back from our district meeting, some drunk guy called to us off the street. He came over to us, and told us that he had served a mission 10 years ago in Santa Maria Brasil. He had since fallen away from the church, and succumb to alcholism. He expressed great desire to turn his life around, to have "the life of a missionary again". We decided to help him out. We marked a day to come back to clean his apartment up. We came back on Friday, delivered him with clothes, toiletries, scriptures, food....a ton of stuff.....it really was a miracle. We took him to stay a few nights in his aunt's house who lives pretty close to us. We checked upon him every few hours. His name is Telcion by the way. I could literally see the transformation taking place within him. Sunday night (about 4am), he started having some paranormal experiences (there's unfortunately a lot of that here), and decided to go downtown and drink again. On our P-day, we discovered that he was missing, and went after him. After about 3 hours of searching, we found him sleeping under a table at the "feira" or fair, that Caruaru has every week. We talked to him, took him to eat, and then back to his aunt's house. Unfortunately, she didn't want to take him back in....this is where the story comes in. We stopped at our apartment so that Melo could use the bathroom. Him and I went up while the other 2 elders and Telcion stayed downstairs, or so I thought. Next thing I knew, Telcion was in our apartment. This is a biggggg no-no as a missionary. The Zone leaders had brought him up there to rest....he went over to our hammock (yes we have a hammock!) and quickly fell asleep. I asked Elder Pinheiro if he was aware that visitors are strictly forbidden in the apartments of the missionaries. He said yes....I told him that we needed to call the Mission President to advise him of the situation. Here's where the problem came up. Pinheiro told me that we didn't need to get permission for this. I insisted. Olivera said that "sometimes we just need to trust in the Lord"... I guess that means determining when the rules do and do not apply and keeping it a secret from the mission president. I told them that if they didn't call the mission president, I would. They responded with a very firm...."let him be....he is sleeping and resting right now....do you know what he's been through?" I really did feel like crap at this point....I was looking at him sleeping, and the last thing I wanted to do was to kick this poor soul out of our peaceful, quiet, comfortable apartment. I felt like Nephi. It's not easy to do what's right when your superiors (or older brothers in Nephi's case) are trying to convince you not to. I was surprised at this moment, when Melo, emerging from the bathroom, backed me up. He himself called Pres Lanius, who affirmed that we did indeed need to remove him from our apartment. Olivera came up to me, said some angry words (some of which I understood, some of which I didn't). Pinheiro walked passed me with the angriest face I have ever seen. I've never seen either of them like that.
Well, once again, I felt like crap again, and very up-stirred by what happened. I knew what I had done was right, but like I said, no one likes to have people angry at you. Later that night, Elder Olivera apologized to me, and admitted to me that I was right. Today, we had a Zone Meeting (not zone conference, it was just the missionaries). While Elder Olivera was talking to all of our zone about dedication and obedience, he said that Caruaru had been blessed with an example this past transfer. He said, in front of everyone, that Elder McKinley had taught by example how he and the other missionaries in the zone should be working and behaving. I see how some of you reading this may think I'm being cocky, or high-headed by telling this story. I'm including this here, something that I feel is very personal, because it really taught me a very, very powerful lesson that I would like to share. The lesson is that the Lord will always support those who do what is right. Those who oppose you, if they really are humble and willing to admit their errors, will eventually come to their senses, and you will have your reward for righteousness here, as well as your reward in Heaven. It was a very difficult thing for me to stand up to my Zone Leaders that day, and my companion (and zone leaders too) on Saturday night. I KNOW I was supported through this. I know I did the right thing, and I am so grateful for the strength and courage that the Lord gave me to do it. It took me a good hour to write this. We had miracles pouring out of heaven this week aside from all of this. I do not know why the Lord is blessing us (and especially me) so richly. I don't always understand the ways of the Lord, but I do trust him.
Until next time,
-Elder McKinley
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